so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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