Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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