I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
