Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
