...so i touched it.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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