Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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