Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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