There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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