I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
soo... how was my night?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
