New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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