I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
