I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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