WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
