??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
