Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
