I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
