If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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