barbara walters just said penis...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is Oprah even human
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
