I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I will die if light touches me.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
