so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
