u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
