Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
