areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
