I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
