Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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