Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
