also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
