I hate your face
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
