i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
