Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think people are normalizing furries
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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