Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
