then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
