I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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