We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I would ride that face into the sunset
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
