He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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