Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
