I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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