I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
