I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
