we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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