I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
