i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
