5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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