hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
