Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
