her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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