I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
