I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
