I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
