At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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